No Fluff / All Sarcasm
Licensed Unimpressed Insured Shirt, Sarcastic Tradesman Tee, Funny Blue Collar Contractor Gift
$25.99+
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DetailsThe credentials are fully up to date, the coverage is active, and the enthusiasm is nowhere to be found.
You’ve got the paperwork to prove you know what you’re doing, but that doesn’t mean you have to smile through bad plans, hover-clients, or unsolicited "advice" from someone who learned home repair on the internet. Let the back of your shirt deliver the official status report: LICENSED. UNIMPRESSED. INSURED. Built straight to the Perry Acres Supply Co. standard, this graphic is pressed on the indestructible Gildan 5000 Heavy Cotton Tee. We don’t touch thin, delicate "fashion blends" here—just thick, honest, rugged cotton designed to survive real dust, real grease, and an entire shift of pure cynicism.
THE SPECS:
-Shirt Blank: Gildan 5000 Heavyweight Crewneck (100% durable cotton; classic, boxy, no-nonsense tradesman fit).
-Front (Left Chest): Official Perry Acres Supply Co. circular "Blue Collar Goods" stamp badge.
-Back Graphic: Bold industrial inspection-seal emblem stamped with the jobsite truth: "LICENSED • UNIMPRESSED • INSURED".
-Comfort: Tear-away neck label, because an itchy tag is the last thing you have tolerance for on the clock.
-Sizing: Standard unisex cut. Fits true to size—size up if you want extra room over thermals or just prefer slouching in peaceful irritation.
CARE INSTRUCTIONS:
-Wash cold, inside out, with like colors.
-Tumble dry low or toss it over the tailgate until the next call.
-Do not iron directly on the print—and do not ask if we can "knock a little off the top" for cash.
The ideal uniform piece for general contractors, master mechanics, plumbers, framers, and every tradesman who does it right the first time and has zero patience for excuses.
Product information: Gildan 5000, 2 year warranty in EU and Northern Ireland as per Directive 1999/44/EC
Warnings, Hazard: For adults, Made in Nicaragua
Care instructions: Machine wash: cold (max 30C or 90F), Non-chlorine: bleach as needed, Tumble dry: low heat, Do not iron, Do not dryclean -
Shipping & Policies
Shipping from United States
Processing time
3-5 business days
Customs and import taxes
Buyers are responsible for any customs and import taxes that may apply. I'm not responsible for delays due to customs.
Payment Options
Returns & Exchanges
Returns & exchanges not accepted
But please contact me if you have problems with your order
I gladly accept cancellations
Request a cancellation within: 1 hours of purchase
Privacy policy
1. Personal Information I Collect
To fulfill your order, you must provide me with certain information (which you authorized Etsy to provide to me), such as your name, email address, postal address, payment information, and the details of the product that you’re ordering.
2. Why I Need Your Information and How I Use It
I rely on a number of legal bases to collect, use, and share your information, including:
As needed to provide my services, such as when I use your information to fulfill your order, to settle disputes, or to provide customer support.
If necessary to comply with a legal obligation or court order or in connection with a legal claim, such as retaining information about your purchases if required by tax law.
3. Information Sharing and Disclosure
Information about my customers is important to my business. I share your personal information for very limited reasons and in limited circumstances, as follows:
Etsy: I share information with Etsy as necessary to provide you my services and comply with my obligations under both the Etsy Seller Policy and Etsy Terms of Use.
Service Providers / Production Partners: I engage certain trusted third parties to perform functions and provide services to my shop—specifically my print-on-demand manufacturing and fulfillment partners. I will share your personal information (name and delivery address) with these partners, but only to the extent necessary to create and ship your order.
4. Data Retention
I retain your personal information only for as long as necessary to provide you with my services and as described in my Privacy Policy. However, I may also be required to retain this information to comply with my legal and regulatory obligations, to resolve disputes, and to enforce my agreements. I generally keep your data for the following time period: 4 years.
5. Contact Me
For purposes of EU data protection law, I, the shop owner, am the data controller of your personal information. If you have any questions or concerns, you may contact me through Etsy conversations.Frequently Asked Questions
Why is Jimmy taking 3 to 5 days to ship my gear?
Because good craftsmanship takes a minute, and rushing Jimmy while he's holding a handsaw is a safety hazard. Every shirt and sticker is custom printed to order. We promise it’s worth the wait, but if you start pacing by the mailbox, just remember the labor rate matrix goes up if you start checking the tracking status every five minutes.
Why did my shirt and sticker arrive separately?
To get you the highest quality gear, our t-shirts and vinyl stickers are printed using specialized equipment that occasionally ships from different fulfillment centers. Don't worry if one part of your order arrives a day or two before the other—tracking numbers are provided for both packages!
Can I change or cancel my order?
To keep shipping fast, our system sends orders directly to our production partner almost immediately. We accept cancellations or order modifications strictly within 1 hour of purchase. After 1 hour, we cannot stop the printing process or offer a refund.
What is your return policy?
Because every single item is custom printed specifically for you when you order, all sales are final. We cannot accept returns or exchanges for incorrect size selection, color preferences, or buyer's remorse. Please double-check our size charts carefully before completing your purchase!
What if my item arrives damaged or misprinted?
If your gear arrives with a printing defect, graphic error, or transit damage, we will absolutely make it right. Please send us a message within 14 days of delivery with a clear photo of the issue, and we will send out a free replacement reprint immediately.
